Inner Life of Executive Kids: A Conversation with Child Psychiatrist Robert Coles

In the last 20 years, business has become the dominant institution in American society, in many respects usurping the role once played by religion. As such, business has infiltrated every aspect of our lives--including the hearts and minds of our children. For many, it is an unsettling force. The wild competitiveness of business today compels managers to be constantly available for customers and colleagues, inevitably reducing the time and energy they can devote to their kids. Although stories of the impact of business life on children rarely appear in the business press, debate rages in the broader community, and many parents fear that their children may be paying the price for their success. Is that price too high? In an in-depth interview with HBR senior editor Diane Coutu, writer and child psychoanalyst Robert Coles speaks to that question. Perhaps surprisingly, given the fashion for criticizing the way children are raised today, Coles is optimistic about the next generation. He rejects the stereotype of the hopelessly spoiled rich kid, instead emphasizing children's extraordinary adaptability and ingenuity. "Wealth can weaken some children in certain ways," he says, "unless parents know how to ask of them as well as give to them." In this interview, Cole also examines the role of working women in parenting, explores the difference for children between healthy and narcissistic entitlement, and suggests how we might listen to our children better. "Our children are wonderfully aware and awake," Coles says. "If only we'd stop and listen to the spiritual reflections and questions of our sons and daughters, we might learn something very important about them and about ourselves."

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